When We Go Dark
by Miss MoKa
Summary: We all have our secrets and our ups and downs, but sometimes some people have too much going on inside that there's only darkness. Depression, sociopath, Tourette's, Asperger, ADD, anxiety, we are all mentally sick. So how do we cope with all our diseases now that we have been diagnosed? Creek, Style and more.
1. Sociopath- Christophe

_Disclaimer: I don't own any character from South Park. They belong to Mark and Trey. Only the plot is mine._

 _This story was inspired by the song which gave the story's title by the American gothic rock band Faith and The Muse. I highly recommend listening to it in order to grasp better the powerful lyrics and music. Although the general idea is based on this song, I will be quoting other songs in other chapters because music can transmit many feelings that cannot be described with words.  
_

 _There is not a principal character here, there are several, and each and every one of them complements the others. Nonetheless, every chapter is dedicated to a character and so on. It will be a four chapter installment about them. One doesn't have a chapter, but it is not necessary since he plays a major role with the others. Happy reading and enjoy._

…

 **When We Go Dark**

Chapter 1

Sociopath- Christophe

" _What have you become?_

 _Could you please them all?_

 _Living someone else's life_

 _Distraction keeps the blinding light_

 _Deflecting off the horror_

 _You've lost your soul or slowly let it die_

 _It's not who you are…"_

 _ **-Faith and The Muse**_

We all have our secrets and our ups and downs, but sometimes some people have too much going on inside that there's only darkness. During adolescence, these moments can become crucial and may determine the course of our life. It is up to each other the decisions we make and whether we overcome our darkest moments. As children, the first signs that tell that something is off may go unnoticed or seem irrelevant and are dismissed. Then, they become so regular that people start paying attention, yet it may be too late. That's what happened to me and my fellow inmates here at the mental asylum. I know that word sounds creepy as hell and reminds of the American Horror Story season, but I can't help it, that's what it is. People can call it other ways to smooth everything, but in reality that's where we are: a mental asylum. Depression, sociopath, Tourette's, Asperger, ADD, anxiety, we are all mentally sick. So how do we cope with all our diseases now that we have been diagnosed?

I met the boys during the whole _La Resistance_ situation in which I tried to help them. During this ordeal I didn't get to know them that much, except of course that I immediately hated the fat boy, or any other of their acquaintances- funny how one of them would become an inmate here with me years later. After being chased to death by dogs, these boys thought I was dead, but I wasn't. I was severely injured, but lived on. I never saw the three of them together again as I had to move with my mother to another town. And that's when everything started to go down.

In South Park, my Mom had control over me in some way. But as I grew older it became more difficult for her to keep me around. Many times I escaped at night with my British sweetheart and she would never know where I was. Of course I learned about sex at a younger age besides smoking and cocaine. The problems came with trying to be Mommy's little boy, but I was already forsaken by God. My British blond eventually left me, saying he didn't like my addictions and staying in the closet. I couldn't stand that. I roared and rampaged and hurt people around me. It was bad. And so it happened that in an attempt to help me, my mother took me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as a sociopath and a danger to society. When I was fourteen, she committed me to a mental hospital and I have stayed there for five years. It has been pretty fucked up, but many people have entered the hospital during these years that had made my stay a little more interesting, especially a new twitchy, rather nervous boy that came two years after me.

My first two years were characterized by my constant attitude of rebellion against everyone and my rejection to treatment. I had to learn how to get along with other inmates who were _weaker_ than me due to their different illnesses. In my first year, a blond-ish boy arrived and we didn't hit off. In fact, curiously enough for it seems I have a thing for blonds, I despised this kid. He was my same age but something in me told me that he meant trouble. And it sure was. It was not because of his goddam foul language due to his Tourette's, no; it was because of his connection to the twitchy blond, or to put it simply, to the connection with the twitchy blond's object of desire. What are the chances?

The twitchy blond arrived in my second year, after I turned sixteen. He seemed pretty messed up and had several bruises. Despite his terrible appearance, I fall in love with him like love at first sight. As there were no boundaries for me –what else could happen to me? I was already in a sort of prison- I approached him as soon as he was settled in the Tourette's boy room. However, this first encounter was a complete disaster, for when I said "Hi" to him, he started screaming in terror that I wanted his body to sell his organs in the black market.

"What are you talking about blondie?"

"No please, stay away from me! GAH!"

I was taken aback by this; he was hiding himself behind his bed, only his messy spiked golden hair being visible. I then realized that to win his trust it wouldn't be that easy. But I didn't give up and little by little he relaxed and started to confide in me whenever he would have a panic attack, which would unfortunately be very often. I soon learned that this was the reason why he was here: he had Anxiety Personality Disorder. As a kid, everybody, including his parents, thought that his nervousness was a consequence of drinking too much coffee and he would be made fun of- only his boyfriend was really concerned about him. Yes, boyfriend. This adorable twitchy blond had the same boyfriend since he was in fourth grade and would talk about him all the time. I noticed that the Tourette's boy didn't take too kindly to him and would seem annoyed every time the spaz mentioned his lover's name. Why was that? After months of his arrival, and while I was studying him patiently, it was clear to me that his boyfriend, whoever it was, wouldn't visit him here and therefore I had a chance with the spaz. Still, he would remain loyal to the end.

"Is it alright with you if I sit next to you twitchy?"

He gave me a terrified gaze. He was sitting on a couch in the common room painting with water colors.

"Oh man! You startled me! AH!" he said with his squeaky voice. Despite the terror in his eyes, he made room for me to sit on the couch.

"What are you painting this time?" I asked, merely to start a conversation with him. Sometimes I had to chew the fat a little bit with him before saying something that could trigger him anxiety.

"Stars. I want to imagine myself with him outside of this place, very far from here. He liked to watch the starts with me, so I'm painting stars to watch them while I'm here."

If I was all a god-forsaken teenager, having lost innocence at a young age, this twitchy boy was all pureness in spite of his disease. He was very creative and was optimistic on life. That's why I was so attracted to him. I needed him to become a better person, I _wanted_ to be a better person for him. He was so fragile and was having difficult moments here coping with his problems. They aggravated and was desperate for his boyfriend- it was all he knew.

"You know," I said softly "you have been here now for almost a year and he hasn't come yet to visit you. Why are you still clinging to him?"

He stopped abruptly painting, dropping his paint brush to the ground.

"The fact that we aren't together right now does not change his love for me. I know that he hasn't given up on me yet. He wants me to get better and so I _will_ get better. Don't pressure me!" Even though twitchy would always stutter and couldn't hold a conversation without one of his tics, he would always seem so sure of himself whenever he talked about his space-lover boyfriend. Damn, I was so jealous!

"Ok, ok, calm down twitchy. It's just that you told me that he has been your _only_ boyfriend in your whole life; you have been together for six years. Don't you want to know other people? Try new things?" I was going further this time. I knew for a fact he wasn't all that innocent regarding sex. His boyfriend had already ripped off his virginity.

My blond stiffened. He didn't like to talk about sex, especially his own sex life. He confided in me that little secret after he had an attack about everyone knowing he was no longer a virgin and his dad would sell him to slavery.

"GAH, that's too much pressure man! I can't do that to him! He has always been there for me!" His nervousness was taking over him. I decided to shut up and let him be or else he would have another episode ruining his chances of getting better.

Still, I was determined to win the spaz's heart. After all, I had the advantage of being with him every day while his boyfriend was probably cheating on him with a beautiful blonde. For what I knew, that bastard was very sexually active and probably couldn't hold himself without his twitchy boyfriend. So what if spaz had fun here too? He was getting more comfortable with me as time went by and one time he cuddled with me, though he was having an episode where he imagined I was his boyfriend.

One night, the Tourette's kid woke me up. Being spaz's roommate, he told me that twitchy was going through another anxiety attack and was all shaking.

"He- COCK SUCKING- needs you."

I watched him for a fraction of second. We both knew that it would have been better to call a nurse and give him some of his pills, but for some reason the Tourette's kid wanted me to be with spaz and calmed him down. He said that I was the only one who could do that, not even some goddam pills. I took this as my chance to show my twitchy blond how much I cared for him.

"All right, but you have to stay in my bed. We don't want the checks to discover I'm not asleep."

Their room was two rooms to my left. When I slowly opened the door, I found him hiding behind his bed, just as his first day here. Indeed he was there shaking and saying nonsense about a Bloody Face wanting to skin him off.

"Oh my God! He probably is planning to take me to his house where he can make lamps with my skin. Perhaps Doctor Adler is going to sedate me and he and Sister Mary Eunice will give my body to Bloody Face. GAH!" He sure was sweating.

"Twitchy, I'm here." I came close to him, trying to reach him.

"Are you Father Timothy? Have you come for me to take me to Bloody Face?"

"No, no, twitchy, it's me, The Mole. I'm your Christophe, remember?" He stared at me as if he didn't know who I was. After a moment he came to his senses and broke down into tears.

"Christophe, help me! I don't want to stay here at Briarcliff Manor!" My, his paranoias were extreme. When he was only 10 years-old he would think his underpants were taken at night by gnomes, but as a teenager his fears became really dark with homicide and murderers. He threw himself into my arms and started frantically sobbing while clinging to my chest.

"There there twitchy." I patted him and gave a kissed to his forehead. "You are not at Briarcliff Manor and there isn't a Bloody Face. You are here with me and I won't let anything happen to you."

"You promise Christophe?"

"I promise, my dearest twitchy, that nothing will happen to you as long as I'm here with you."

He stopped sobbing, but he was still clinging to me chest. I savored this moment as a unique one until he realized that he shouldn't be doing this with me. However, he stayed there for a few more minutes and didn't push me away from him.

"Chris?" he timidly asked.

"Yeah twitchy?"

"Could you stay with me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone."

My heart started beating faster. Twitchy was asking me to be with him! Me, Christophe "The Mole" to stay the night with him, not his fucking spaceman boyfriend. I was beaming with joy on the inside.

"Sure twitchy. The Tourette's kid is staying at my room. I can use his bed."

"No, I mean- GAH, pressure! Could you -agh- sleep with me? Whenever I couldn't sleep he would hold me in my bed until I fall asleep. I guess I became so used to that and now I need it."

That was beyond my wildest dreams. I didn't dare to question him, so I immediately crawled into his bed with him before he could change his mind. He didn't give signs of having second thoughts though; in fact he seemed very pleased with the idea of being the two of us together in his bed.

We stayed for a few moments just in one position. His head was now on my chest and he was curled beside me like a little kitten. I stroked his golden hair and he started giving little purrs of joy. I was waiting for him to fall asleep, when suddenly he moved his head closer to me and caressed my lips with his fingers. I was perplexed by this action and froze when his lips met mine.

He was kissing me! The twitchy blond of my dreams was kissing me! What had changed? Why was he doing this now? I couldn't care less about it and instead enjoyed the kiss. At first it had been a little peck, just a brush of his lips with mine and then he timidly tried to open my mouth with his tongue. He was cupping my face while he was kissing me and I was caressing his back. As the heat started rising up, his kisses became more hot and passionate, as if he had been craving this for so long. I was starting to get hard and I noticed that he was too. This spaz may seem all innocent on the outside, but I'm pretty sure he was missing all his sex life with his spaceman and was desperate to get some action. This was one-time chance that I wasn't going to blow away.

Speaking of blows, twitchy was on his way to suck my cock. His hands started going down my pants until he reached my hard cock and gave it a few strokes. Man, that felt good. Dammit, I hated to admit but his boyfriend had sure taught him some good tricks. He then went down on me and sucked the life out of me until I reached the most wonderful orgasm in my whole fucking life. He had even swallowed all of it without spilling a drop of it. I had to bite myself hard in order not to scream and wake up all our other fellow inmates.

"Was I good? I mean, I haven't done this in a while. I hope I didn't forget how to do it-agh!"

Catching my breath, I managed to say "You were more than good, twitchy. You were splendid."

He smiled, something I had hardly seen during the time he had been here. He was very proud of himself. "Thank you Christophe. I like you a lot, you know?"

That melted my heart, but on the outside I only said "I like you too twitchy." After that, he finally fall asleep on my chest. It was 3:46 am. I stayed with him until 6 o'clock and then went to my room.

…

The next day, twitchy wasn't afraid of being close with me and his nervousness had lessened. We were enjoying ourselves watching Star Wars Episode VI in the common room along with the Tourette's kid and a new inmate with a blue hat and a red puff- he had just checked in the day before. About half the movie a nurse came to us and said that twitchy had a visitor.

"Tweek, a boy with a blue chullo is here. He said he has come to pay you a visit, he's waiting for you."

Tweek immediately set free of me and went with him. The Tourette's kid seemed heartbroken and the new kid was undisturbed and continued watching the movie.

So it was true. It didn't matter that we have had hot a night and he had given me an amazing blowjob- he still wanted him. Or was it? Why had he come closer to me last night? I was very confused, but the only thing I was certain of at that moment was that Craig Tucker would never let Tweek Tweak go.

…

 _So thank you for reading. Comments are more than welcome. If you still have not heard the song, then go right now to your Spotify or search for it on YouTube. I'm seriously. Also, if you like some horror and haven't watch it yet, then look for American Horror Story: Asylum on Netflix or whatever- you will understand what Tweek was talking about._

 _Merry Christmas!_

 _Miss MoKa_

 _December 22_ _nd_ _, 2015_


	2. Tourette's- Thomas

_Disclaimer: I don't own any character from South Park. They belong to Mark and Trey. Only the plot is mine._

 _Thank you everyone who followed and/or reviewed. Of course there were many things unsaid last chapter and loads of questions raised, but let me assure you every little piece will come together in the end. That being said, the song for this one is "Apart" by the German gothic rock band Lacrimosa. As always, more comments are welcome. Happy reading (?) and enjoy!_

…

 **When We Go Dark**

Chapter 2

Tourette's – Thomas

" _I've seen your eyes  
They shined like stars to me  
And then I saw your soul  
An empty hall_

 _Kissing you was like  
Kissing the past  
I felt like giving in_

 _I felt like  
Being a part of something  
Something I was always  
trying to achieve  
I felt like  
Being a part of something  
Something that lasts…"_

 _-Apart (Lacrimosa)_

Before Tweek, it was me.

When I was an eight-year-old boy, my Mom took me to the toy store at the South Park Mall. That was something unusual, given the fact that my tics for saying obscenities were something that I was completely embarrassed of. There I bumped into a fat boy that thought my tics were a great thing and a perfect opportunity to say whatever it may crosses your head. It _does_ make you say whatever crosses your head, but it definitely isn't a _great_ thing. That little encounter triggered a series of events that lead me to meet _him_ , in an indirect way. Long story short, it changed my life.

I have lived in South Park all my life, but people fairly know me because I hardly went out as a kid and then I spent part of my teenage years locked up. However, I was the least damaged of my fellow inmates and was capable of getting out before the others. Not that it mattered anyway, because my only reason to be cured was in a relationship with my roommate from the asylum, and he spent another two more years than me in there. How curious is that? Either way, love isn't measured in two opposites of black and white, rather in a scale of grays- at least for Tweek and Craig. I have been a bystander of their relationship before they even knew they liked each other and have watched their love undergo different stages. After all, they _were_ forced to be together –first in a fight, then as a gay couple-, and despite the fact that they ended falling for the other, a relationship of eight years has its ups and downs, doesn't it?

Tourette's is a neurological disorder and it can be cured at some extent. The most critical years are during adolescence -which I said before I spent institutionalized- and when the patient reaches adulthood, the tics lessen and he/she can live a normal life. Sometimes, a person with Tourette's may also have chronic depression or ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). With this background, you can pretty much tell about me. I was a smart kid, actually my IQ was a little above the average, yet my problem was a very annoying tic of coprolalia (i. e. uttering socially inappropriate words such as swearing). Because of this, I was ashamed of my behavior all the time and rather spent time isolated in my room. I guess I _could_ have gone to school like Tweek with his Anxiety Disorder, but it was better for me this way. You see, my life is somewhat similar to Tweek's and in a way it is intertwined with his. Even though I didn't go to South Park Elementary, I met Craig before he was friends with Tweek _and_ I was Craig's first love –not Tweek. Another thing was that I was diagnosed earlier as a kid and my Mom treated my disease with the utmost respect -she was caring and tried everything for me to get better- while Tweek's parents were negligent and instead of considering to send his son to treatment, they gave him coffee filled with meth. So the poor blond became a drug addict since a young age and that elevated his paranoia to a crazy level until the darkness overcame him and he never lived a normal life again. I still wonder to this day if it was our fragile state of mind what drew Craig to us and his need to protect us.

The thing with living in a small town is that everybody is connected to everybody. The first nice kid that wanted truly to be my friend was a boy with a green hat and an orange coat. If I may say so, I really liked this kid and I was so sad when I found years later that one of the inmates was his boyfriend. Anyway, he came to me to make an alliance to expose the fraud the fat kid was doing with his fake Tourette's. In the end, everything worked out fine for the fatass. However, what struck me the most was one of his acquaintances –a boy with a blue chullo. The night of Chris Hansen's show, this boy approached me and told me that he would like to hang out with me sometimes. I was perplexed.

He really meant it. I mean, we did hang out many times, though most of them at my house. He had three friends –a chubby brunette, a rich black guy, and a handicapped boy- that he would tell me everything about them, but never introduce me to them. I didn't ask why, but I think it was because he wanted me for himself. He would also tell me about the kids he hated, which was mostly everyone except the three aforementioned, especially a _twitchy_ blond. God, how he hated him! Ever since they had a fight in third grade, he couldn't stand him.

"I'd rather be partner-up with McCormick than that spaz!" Take a moment to ponder my reaction months later when he would leave me for the very same boy he disliked the most.

With Craig I lived some of the most beautiful moments of my life. We would spend hours at my backyard gazing at the stars and he would talk about his love for space. It was unique, because Kyle said he was always quiet and if someone dared to speak to him he would flip you off. Why would he open-up with me? Was I _special_? It wasn't a surprise either that I would soon fall in love with him.

One day we had a fight. It was over which gaming system was better. I was of the opinion that the new Xbox was _the_ gaming system- he disagreed.

"You _like_ Xbox?"

"I –COCK SUCKING- have played it with Kyle and it's not that bad."

He stared at me with his eyes wide open. "Dude! Everyone knows Ps4 is way much better! Even Tweek has team-up with me!"

I was taken aback by this. "Tweek? Have you –DAMN IT- played with him?"

"Well yeah! I mean, he was the first to support me when I announced that we should split."

"Oh, so now you are –FUCK IT- friends with him or what?" I was starting to feel a pang of jealousy in me.

Craig realized that he had dropped a bomb. "No, no. It's not only the two of us. Stan and Jimmy also agree with us."

In that moment, it dawn on me that Craig no longer hated Tweek, in fact, he had had been hanging out with him for some time. He didn't admit it though; it was Kyle who confirmed my suspicions. From there on, the blond turned into a threat to my relationship with my adorable spaceman, as they little by little became closer. So close that when the Asian girls arrived to South Park, Tweek and Craig were chosen by them to be gay. Of course, that pissed me off so much that as soon as I saw the pictures, I texted him on the Facebook messenger.

"You have a boyfriend?"

Almost immediately he replied back. "Fuck no! I'm not gay and neither is Tweek! Those Asians invented those rumors." Liar. I knew he wasn't telling the truth. He _was_ gay, sooo gay, but he vehemently denied he had feelings for the blond.

"I've talked to him." Another text. He was writing more. "I told him to stay 100 yards away from me. I don't want him near me. Is that ok to you?"

I sighed. "Sure dude. Just don't egg the rumors, right?"

"Won't. I promise." I wish I could saw his face when he wrote that. I still think he wasn't that sure about that.

The next day, not only did he encourage the rumors, he also went to the blond's house. He did that in order to inform Tweek about their break up. On one hand, I had my doubts whether coming out was a good way to end the rumors. Still, on the other hand I wanted these to stop so that I could have Craig back with me and be gay together in my house where not even an Asian girl would draw us.

"Don't worry. Tomorrow everything will go back to normal."

Yeah, sure. The whole town was sad as their epitome of gay kids broke-up. Meanwhile, this affected Craig more than it should. That day he didn't respond to my texts nor came to pay me a visit. When he ended his fake relationship with Tweek, he came to the realization that he actually wanted him, but was too afraid to admit it. Fortunately for him, the blond felt the same and they ended together. Nevertheless, for him and me it meant that we would be seeing each other less.

"I'm sorry Thomas." He told me with a soft voice. It had only past two days since everybody had seen him and Tweek walking by ShiTiPaTown holding hands. "I guess I _am_ gay for Tweek."

I felt my eyes fill with tears. Craig was breaking up now with me. "Gay for –ASSHOLE- Tweek? That's BULLSHIT! You're not gay for him! You're gay and so it happened that you chose to be gay with Tweek! GODDAMN IT!"

He just stayed there in front of me with his blank expression.

"I just don't understand- SHIT. You loathed him! How come you now want to be his boyfriend?"

More silence.

"Things change. People change." And without further explanation he came closer to me and gave me a little peck on my lips. "I still like you, though, I'll always do."

COCKSUCKER! He left after that, leaving my heart break to smithereens.

…

It's funny how everyone at the mental health care center knew who Craig was even though he was never an inmate. He started coming at age 11 to visit his twitchy blond and then years later to visit his _other_ blond-ish friend. When we broke up, we didn't talk to each other for a while. I heard that Tweek had a mental breakdown and was sent away for some months and then came back trying to fit again into his everyday life- but he was so fucked up. Craig contacted me some weeks later after the blond's return and told me he was having doubts about coping with Tweek's madness or not –he loved him, but it was asking a lot of a twelve-year-old.

"But I'm afraid that if I leave him, he will get worse. I'm all he has."

By that time, I was having my own problems. My Tourette's was starting to get out of control and Mom was taking me to as many therapies as she could. These helped a bit, yet only enough to prevent me from saying shit -literally the word "shit"- every 10 seconds. Craig didn't mind, though, just as he never did when being kids. In a way, he came back to me. He never broke up with Tweek nor did cheat on him, nonetheless sometimes he would sneak out and came to my house whenever the blond was indispose –which would be rather frequently. I believe I was some sort of relief for him when the _pressure_ of taking care of Tweek was too much –amusing, isn't it?

This was our way of life for three years, until my Mom had to commit me due to my Tourette's. It was out for my own good in order for the doctors to be able to medicate me and observe me in a more controlled space. And it wasn't that bad. I could still be with my spaceman (he would come on Fridays after school) and wouldn't worry about homeschool. Of course, there were some complications inside those walls, but life was _bearable_ there, till our paths crossed. Tweek had been admitted again and he had been assigned as my roommate.

As you all know, I had never had met Tweek in person during all those years. I knew his face and spiky blond hair because I had seen pictures of him and Craig, but hadn't had the _pleasure_ to hear his squeaky voice and little shrieks. You'll think _that_ wouldn't be a problem with me, as I probably make more noises than him, yet I found them distracting and very annoying- probably because I despised him. I then secretly swore to boycott his recovery, so that he would be locked up more than me. I know, that's a horrible thing to do, but hey, everything is valid in love and war, right?

Sooner I discover this was pretty easy. As I mentioned above, before Tweek arrived Craig would come punctually every Friday afternoon, but as soon as his boyfriend came here he stopped coming. Yes, I was sad, however I tried to take advantage of this situation. Tweek was confused and the fact that another inmate had shown an interest for him was troubling him more. The French boy that bullied me during my first months here had fallen in love of him and I could tell Tweek liked him too.

One night, Tweek had a panic attack. It was bad. I should have gone to a nurse, but instead I went looking for the French boy. _He_ would know what to do and Tweek would be weak enough to try to resist him. And my plan went perfect as they had sex and the next day acted as a couple. The only thing that interfered with this outcome was that Craig had finally come–it was Friday afternoon.

"Tweek, a boy with a blue chullo is here. He said he has come to pay you a visit, he's waiting for you."

Tweek immediately set free of the French boy and went with Craig. I was stunned. What was he doing here, exactly on this day, after all this time? My heart jumped as the nurse mentioned him and I wished I could had run after him like Tweek did, but it was not my place to do that. After all, he was officially Craig's blond, not me. They were the famous Creek couple and everybody shipped them, despite their slips with Christophe or me.

"We should fight for what we want, don't you think?" asked me the French boy as soon as they left to the gardens. "They don't deserve to be together. You want Craig and I want Tweek. It's time to split them once and for all."

I hated to agree with him. So we both went outside. Craig and Tweek were sitting on a bench and the latter was leaning on the former's chest. I had to confess they _did_ look adorable and like made for each other and for a moment I thought that it wasn't fair of us to destroy their relationship, but the French boy had already come closer to them leaving me behind.

"Hey twitchy, who's this?" said provocatively Christophe. Tweek was surprised to find him there and his old tics returned.

"GAH-Chris! This is…"

"Craig Tucker, Tweek's boyfriend." He said with his monotone voice. After a year that I hadn't seen him, he hadn't changed a bit.

Cleary finding it hilarious, Christophe smirked. "Oh really? Well you forgot to mention that yesterday while you were giving me a blowjob twitchy."

The faces they both made were priceless. Craig's abandoned all expressionless and turned into one of pure rage, while Tweek's displayed absolute mortification.

"WHAT THE FUCK TWEEK?"

"AHH, I'M SORRY! I couldn't resist! I haven't had sex for over a year!"

"Me too, but I have not gone with the first piece of shit I find!

Christophe attitude changed after what Craig said. The former grabbed the latter by the collar of his blue jacket with his left hand and lift his right hand into a first about to punch him. Though only a few inches, the French was a little taller than the raven-haired.

"Watch it _smartass_ , you don't want to spend a month in a hospital with your pretty face all messed up."

That was it. I had to intervene.

"Let him go –DUMBASS- Christophe!" The three of them turned their heads and saw me. If Tweek was taken aback by my arrival, Craig was shocked to find me there. Christophe did as I asked him and dropped Craig to the floor.

"Fine! But don't forget who gets to be with twitchy everyday here."

Tweek came closer to Craig. He tried to reach for him, but Craig just spat Tweek's hand. Tweek just sat next to him, hugged his legs and hid his face between them.

"You're not the only one who has cheated on this relationship Tweek!" I yelled. Fuck it, have I ever mentioned that Tourette's make you say whatever crosses your mind?

Tweek lifted his head. "GAH- excuse me?"

Craig looked at me with pleading eyes. _Please don't say anything._ But my Tourette's was stronger than my will.

"All these years Craig has been with me whenever he's not with you Tweek. I'm sorry."

In that moment, something inside Tweek broke, as he closed his eyes and cover his ears shutting himself from the outside world. He then started shaking and mumbling incoherencies.

"Oh God, quick! Get a nurse, he's having and attack." Said a preoccupied Craig.

Christophe didn't wait to be told twice and he went running as fast as he could inside. Craig stayed there next to Tweek trying to hold him only to be rejected. I watched then from afar as if I wasn't part of the picture. Everything around me became blurry and I started hearing them from a distance. I was going to faint.

When I woke up, I was again inside my room lying on my bed. It was late at night. Tweek wasn't there but instead on his bed was sitting the new inmate, the boy with a blue hat with a red puff.

"Hey there, feeling better sleeping beauty?"

It took me some minutes to process what had happened before. Where were Tweek, Christophe and Craig and why was this guy in my room?

"What's going on? Why are you here?"

He just laughed- something that took me by surprise. Why the fuck was he laughing?

"I remember when Christophe was bitten by dogs. He looked pretty awful and he sang a terrible song. I thought at that time he was after the British boy. Man, that _Resistance_ thing sure kicked ass!"

I didn't respond to him. I had no idea what was he talking about.

"Anyway, I was an idiot back then; I shoulda had let Wendy leave me for Gregory, but noooo. Dad didn't want me to be always with my best friend because everyone would think we were funny. Funny my ass. At least I didn't rub my clit in front of millions of teenage girls including my sister!"

The realization hit me. This strange acting guy was the son of the idiot geologist that would get into fights in his son's baseballs games, got testis cancer in order to smoke weed, believe himself to be a chef, and shit his breaches. He was the object of desire of several girls at school even though everyone knew he was super gay for his red-haired super friend. This awkward guy was none other than Kyle's boyfriend: the cynical asshole Stan Marsh.

…

 _I want to make a little announcement. Before I wrote this chapter, I published another story called "Geeky and Twisted" that tells us about when Tweek got crazy the first time, alongside with a Style story of them getting together. It's related to this one, though not necessarily part of these chapters. What happens there is mentioned here, but doesn't explore it beyond that. So, if you want you can read it also, just look for it in my profile._

 _Thank you again for reading me and I'll see you next chapter! Please review!_

 _Miss MoKa_

 _February 2_ _nd_ _, 2016_


	3. Asperger's (Ass Burgers?)- Stan

_Disclaimer: I don't own any character from South Park. They belong to Mark and Trey. Only the plot is mine._

 _So hey everybody! Thank you for following and/or reviewing. Life was full of schoolwork and stuff like that making it difficult to find time to write. Also, this chapter has many new characters not mentioned before and the plot is getting a little bit more complicated, that's why it took me a while to finish it. I have to warn you that from now on there will be mentions of a controversial ship. Please don't hate me for that, it's just part of my story. For our principal character here, I couldn't decide which song was the best to represent him since I was leaning for several. In the end, I chose two: "Synthetic Happiness" by American synthpop/darkwave band Esoterik and "Atmosphere" by English post-punk band Joy Division. If anything, things are getting darker- if that's even possible. Have you really been listening to the songs I post? Anyway, let's go!_

…

 **When We Go Dark**

Chapter 3

Asperger's (Ass Burgers?) - Stan

" _I got_

 _Synthetic Happiness_

 _My sanity is all I miss_

 _I had it before I need it again_

 _I'm waiting for this nightmare to end…"_

 _-Synthetic Happiness (Esoterik)_

"So here we are." A chubby thirteen-year-old girl said, all dressed in black, after inhaling from her vintage cigarette holder. She was standing in front of the principal door of the house at 2001 Avenida de los Mexicanos.

"This house full of conformists." A tall boy with curly hair replied, also dressed in black and smoking.

"Hey, we're here for him, remember? He's still a goth no matter what." A second boy with dyed red hair said.

"Well then, let's go." Urged the fourth member of the group- this time it was a little boy. All four of them dropped their cigarettes to the floor. Smoking wasn't allowed inside the house.

The girl knocked the door. It was soon opened by a young brunette woman around her forties. She was expecting them.

"Thank you for coming. It means so much to me. He's upstairs in his room like most of these days. He never comes out, not even to see Kyle." None of the four kids dressed in black said anything. They only nodded to the woman and went straight to where indicated.

Even though these four kids had been friends with the youngest son of the house for several years now, they hadn't been in that place not even once- they would usually hang out at the girl's or at the local Benny's. Therefore, they hesitated a little when knocking on his room's door. To make things more awkward, they had to knock for a second time, as nobody answered the first time.

"Not now Mom!" Came the answer from the other side of the door.

"It's us…Raven."

After a few seconds, Raven finally opened the door. He didn't say "Hello" to them, or anything else- he just let them come after him and immediately shut the door. The room was partially in darkness, as the curtains were drawn down –not letting the sunlight enter- and the only light was emanating from some candles on the drawer. Twelve-year-old Raven was wearing some black pants and a Joy Division T-Shirt.

"I can only assume you're here because Kyle asked you." He said with a flat tone.

The Goth kids looked at each other. What Raven had said was true- indeed Kyle had appeared the day before at Benny's and told them that his friend Raven was again feeling down and perhaps they could visit him. Pete, Michael, Firkle and Henrietta didn't like the red-haired at all, but they cared, even though they tried to deny it, for his cynical boyfriend.

"Have you been here locked for days only listening to Joy Division all day long?" Michael ignored the aforementioned accusation.

"No, sometimes I listen to other bands when they don't sound that shitty to me." Clearly upset, Raven went for his IPhone next to his bed, put on his earphones and laid on the bed without facing them.

Some people would think that Raven had been accepted within the goths' because they would put up with his attitude, but there were times that even they couldn't stand him. No wonder why his pretty elementary ex-girlfriend had one day yelled at him in front of the whole school that she was sick of him.

"God, you're such a downer." Pete said, but wasn't so sure that Raven had actually heard him.

The Goth girl sighted. She then went to the bed and lay there, hugging the boy. She said nothing- just stayed there holding him. The other boys decided to sit on the floor and wait for them.

"The world will always be shitty, my darkling." Henrietta whispered to his ear. "It's no use if you stay here in solitude without taking advantage of your emotions. Pour down what you feel. Write it down. Sing it down. Paint it down. Do art with it. Express how you feel through your creativity and you'll see that the world can be a little bearable." Having said that, she gave Raven a little kiss on his cheek. "I hope you feel better soon, my dear Raven."

Sharon Marsh had never been so fond of her son being friends with the Goth kids, but she rather let him hang out with them than, say, Craig Tucker or Eric Cartman. For this reason, she was a little disappointed that the goths didn't stay that much. Nevertheless, she was very happy when her son came down that evening and had dinner with the rest of the family. Next day, he returned to his normal activities at South Park's Junior High.

…

" _Walk in silence,  
Don't turn away, in silence.  
Your confusion,  
My illusion,  
Worn like a mask of self-hate,  
Confronts and then dies.  
Don't walk away…"_

 _-Atmosphere (Joy Division)_

My name is Stan Marsh and I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was ten years old. I started to see the entire world around me like shit, so my Mom took me to the Asperger's Research Center and I met the Secret Society of Cynics. They gave me the elixir to see everything as it was before, we went to catch the alien-vampires, we discovered the secret of Cartman's Burgers and that was it. The End. Fuck You. Well, actually no. How I wished everything could be as simple as that! I have to rewind my life to tell you my story.

During my time in kindergarten I met a little red-haired Jewish boy who became my best friend. I also met basically all the children that would be my classmates for all my school years, but the red-haired struck me the most, as he would be an essential part of my life. Until fourth grade, there's nothing else that relevant in my life. People would assume that third grade was the beginning of my adventures with my three friends- Kyle, Cartman and Kenny- but I want to focus on fourth grade, as the events of that year were the turning point of my life. Let me talk about some of them one by one.

To begin with, my first depression was when my girlfriend at that time- the cheerleader Wendy Testaburger- broke up with me for my classmate Token Black. That really made me feel terrible and I joined the Goth kids thanks to Kyle's suggestion. I know he recommended it because he was pissed off that I was being so miserable, but that wasn't a bad idea. I _liked_ to hang out with them, and I still do. Curiously enough, they accepted me without making any judgements and I felt free to be myself. Nonetheless, I missed Kyle and my _style_ of life with him- all our adventures and our friendship. I went back to him and my regular self –the Stan side-, but I kept in touch with the goths and still talked to them and let my Raven side be. Kyle quickly understood my need to every now and then leave him and the others, and respected the fact that I belonged to two groups. That was our friendship/relationship agreement: I had a Goth side and he had a Jersey side. So it was natural that when I didn't want to see him, he went to seek the goths for help. They were the only people, after him, who cheered me up- especially Henrietta.

I always knew there was something wrong with me- my father said it all the time. I desire things that will destroy me in the end, like Heroin Hero, alcohol and freemium gaming, and my cynical attitude doesn't make it any better. I'm also bisexual –which isn't a bad thing and I'm proud of it- but I don't know why I'm that hot shit to everyone, so it gets me into trouble, as I have many admirers and Kyle is the type of jealous boyfriend. However, he can't claim to be innocent, as I _know_ for a fact that he cheats on me with Cartman. Therefore, my relationship with Henrietta is special too. I think I'm veering off again, so let's get things straight.

For almost two years –that is third and fourth grade- I had an on and off girlfriend that was very possessive with me. There were times that I wanted to hang out with my super best friend alone and she would get pissed off. Eventually, she was fed up with me and finally we broke up. Kyle was happy, and so was I. Nonetheless, things with him haven't been a bed of roses always. The first time I seriously felt like losing him was right after my tenth birthday when he left me for Cartman, as I was being –allegedly- an asshole. I didn't realize that was the starting point of the war for Kyle's love. But it was, and that became more evident as the years went by. Whenever my friendship with my red-haired felt strained and we would fight, he would find support on Cartman –at first innocently as a friend, and then sexually as well. Kenny sure informed me of that and still does now that I'm locked up.

Then, Tweek and Craig came out and I started having doubts about my sexual orientation. Yaoi, anal intercourse, Maui Zaui- those were things that I was curious about, and it took me a while to figure out that I wanted to try them with my super best friend. But how was I going to tell Kyle that I desired him, yet at the same time I wasn't interested in having a relationship with him? And don't get me wrong, I love Ky, I truly do, since we were kindergarteners, but I'm incapable of having a love relationship due to my illness. My doctors now tell me that if I commit I can be stable with him, however right know I can't make up my mind. Everything is too shitty for me, even Kyle sometimes.

Ever since that date we had with Tweek and Craig, Ky and I became closer- romantically closer, though we never spoke of it aloud. It was also when Tweek had his first real breakdown at age 11 –he is only some months younger than me- and had to go away. Kyle was deeply affected by this. I think it was partially because he cared about Tweek, but also because he was worried that I would end up like him one day. One of the things that I like about Ky is that he is very smart and, unfortunately, he was right all along about me. I was affected by Tweek's incident too. A week later, I returned with the goth kids.

Until know, you have scattered pieces of this story, and so far I haven't explain how Ky and I finally hooked up. Well, you see, that day that I left him for the goth kids, Cartman stayed by his side. Yeah I know, our gang was always the four of us and Cartman was every time close to Kyle to make fun of him and bully him, but this time it was just like when my birthday. Kenny was the one that could see what was happening in this sort of threesome with Kyle.

"Dude, what the fuck?" He asked me on the third day that I had ditched them. "Come back to us, you stupid. You're gonna lose Kyle!"

Dragging on my cigarette at the local Benny's with Michael, Pete, Firkle, and Henrietta, I asked him amused: "What the hell are you talking about Kenny? Kyle is my super best friend."

Kenny was clearly annoyed. "While you're here glooming on your misery, smoking and drinking coffee, Cartman is making his moves on Kyle. You know what I'm talking about. You're not the only who has his eyes set on that sweet ass."

I felt uncomfortable when he said that. _Nobody_ was going to tap Kyle's ass except for me! Though I couldn't believe that the fat-ass liked Kyle _that_ way, and that Ky would actually give him a chance. That was beyond my wildest dreams!

"Are you sure? Cartman probably just wants to set-up Kyle to screw him again."

"Well, I'm totally sure he _does_ want to screw him."

Fuck! It dawn on me that all this time Cartman also liked Kyle in a romantic way- what does that Jew had to make two of his closest friends fall for him? Kenny later told me that during those three days I was absent at lunch time, Cartman sat next to Kyle and blurted some things about me- which unfortunately they are true.

"You know Stan, Kahl. One day he seems fine and the next day he is a pain in the ass. He may be handsome and your super best friend, but you know he isn't _stable_."

If there is one thing I have learned from these years of hanging out with them is that Ky falls easily into Cartman's traps. So I had to mark my territory and stick with Kyle for a while. On the fourth day, I sat again next to him. He was confused, but said nothing and hugged me.

"Aww, now that Tweek is gone, we sure were missing some gay love." Clyde said. Everyone on the table went silent as we knew Clyde had dug his grave. By the end of the day, Craig had gotten two weeks of detention and Clyde a black eye.

For the next months, Ky and I were again like peas and carrots- inseparable gay friends. Yet, I was afraid to make a move on him. It was until Tweek returned –and after I saw how fucked up he was- that I found the guts to kiss Kyle. We were on our way to Craig's house when I did it. So now you know it. I think I did it so that Tweek and Craig's relationship would take off the pressure of my own with Kyle, or was it the other way? Meh, whatever. From that on, we stayed officially as The Four Gay Kids till now it was my turn for another major depression- and this one lasted a month. That one was when the Goth Kids made their appearance at my house.

We all five –Michael, Pete, Firkle, Henrietta and I- knew that there was some chemistry between Henri and I. She was always eager to read with me some of her favorite literature. I also liked to be with her and whenever I felt down, she would find a way to give me peace. There were times that we would lose ourselves listening for hours to Opeth. Nonetheless, this whole dark love was platonic. I never cheated on Kyle, although he _did._

Everyone assumes that part of my sickness prevents from being a loyal boyfriend, still that's not true. Sometimes I may distance myself from Ky, but I have been always faithful to him –he's one of the few things that I like in my life. It's just… I guess I'm not enough for him. He started acting with jealousy towards me- especially with Henrietta. So, of course that caused us trouble. I assured him that I loved him, and he believed me but couldn't control his jealousy. The pressure started building up on me and my self-loathing returned and I started drinking and cutting myself. One day, when I was seventeen, the pressure escaped and I broke down.

"Goddam it Stan, that's it! My birthday is coming up and all you can talk about is what you're going to do on World Goth Day with Henrietta!"

 _Shit_. Kyle was right. I had been thinking about World Goth Day, since it was very important to her, and hadn't thought of what Kyle and I were going to do on May 26th. I was a shitty boyfriend.

We were at the movies buying some popcorn –we had tickets to watch Batman vs. Superman- when I said that Henrietta wanted to take us all to the new Goth club at ShiTiPaTown. Naturally, Kyle didn't take kindly to that.

"I'm sorry Ky. You know it's just you and me. I love you!"

He didn't say anything. He was really angry at me. I tried to reach for his hands.

"Ky, please. Don't be mad. Everyone is watching us."

He, though, spat me. "I don't care dude. I don't want popcorn anymore." And he left the line and went straight for the exit. I had to run after him.

"Kyle wait! I love you!" I yelled. He was a few meters already far from me.

"NO STAN!" He finally answered. "I can't stand this anymore. You always do some shitty thing and try to fix it with an _I love you._ It's not gonna change this time."

I was shocked. Boy, what could I say? "I… you know I'm not OK, Ky. There's something wrong with me. But I do love you!"

This only infuriated him more.

"For Christ's sake Stanley Marsh! Don't blame it to your illness. You claim the world is shit, but in reality you're the one that does shitty things!"

Ouch, that hurt. Although Kyle was right, as always, the truth hurts.

"What…what do you want me to do Ky? I try to put up with the world for you. Getting up from my bed every day is a struggle for me. There are very few things that make me happy- and you're one of them." Great, tears started pouring down my eyes.

Kyle sighed and came closer to me. "I know dude. I know you do your best. But maybe…we need a break."

My heart shattered when I heard that, more than it had when Wendy dumped me in front of the whole school. "No Ky, you can't be serious! What am I gonna do without you?"

Now it was Kyle's turn to cry. "I'm sorry Stan, I love you too, but I can't be with you for a while. You're hurting me too."

My hands started to tremble. I felt the compulsory need to cut myself again to block the pain I was feeling. I only managed to say: "For how long?"

"As long as we need to fix our hearts."

I had to close my eyes, my sobbing was uncontrollable. Suddenly, a pair of warm hands cupped my face and I felt Kyle lips' on mine. If I had known that would be the last time that we kissed, I would have relish more that magic moment. To this day I treasure the feeling that Kyle gave me.

"Don't do anything stupid Stan. You have the power to control your madness." He whispered in my ear.

And you know what happened? I did. I did something stupid. Later that night I chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka. It's because of things like these that Kyle wanted a rest from me. Because my depression was deep and I desperately needed professional help. Contrary to everyone else's beliefs, my sister saved me. She has always been paying attention to me. She called 911 and went with me on the ambulance towards Hell Pass Hospital. There, I threw up everything and then I was taken to the psychiatric ward to stay there for as long as it was needed to fix me.

…

"Stan, wake up!"

"What?"

The first thing my eyes saw was Tweek's spiky blond hair. His mane was wilder than ever due to the fact he couldn't use a comb in here. He was wearing a green tee and his crazy eyes were staring at me.

"Gah, I thought you were dead. You're not supposed to sleep during the day, remember?"

Yeah, I remembered. Part of my illness is a sleeping disorder- just like Tweek- but unlike him, I'm always sleepy. The doctor ordered that I must not take naps and I must get myself constantly busy. But what can keep me busy in a mental asylum?

Actually, I was trying to keep myself busy when I had fallen asleep. I was sitting on a couch of the main room with a book on my hands – _Thus Spoke Zarathustra_ by Friedrich Nietzsche, one of Henri's favorite books- when my eyes started to feel heavy. Next thing I knew, Tweek Tweak was frantically shaking me in order to see if I was dead- I wished!

"I wonder if you used to wake up Craig like this." I replied. Tweek went red.

"I'm sorry. You're a heavy sleeper, though. I had to shake you so that you would wake up."

I sighed. Tweek was a nice guy. I was secretly thankful that he was here too- he made the days more bearable. Whatever problems he might have, he was a cool friend. Although Kyle would speak out loudly that he cared about Tweek, I also like this spaz. And with our diseases we could understand each other. That was something our boyfriends didn't have.

"Yeah, Ky has always been telling me that since we were little."

Tweek smile and sat next to me. I felt something similar to peace with him, yet this lasted only for a few seconds.

"GAH! I almost forgot! Kenny is here. He's waiting for you outside."

I pursed my lips in a movement that resemble a smile. I never thought Kenny would come to visit me. I quickly stood up and went to meet him.

Kenny McCormick was indeed sitting on a bench outside in the garden. He was wearing his orange shirt and on one hand had a cigarette. When he spotted me, he ran to hug me.

"Stan! I'm so happy to see you!" He hugged me so hard I felt I was being crushed.

"Oh my God Kenny! It has only been two weeks that I'm away."

"I know. But lots of things have happened during these days that it feels as if you had been locked for months."

I couldn't hide my confusion. "What? What the hell?"

Kenny's face went serious. "You'll probably hate me after I tell you some news, but I thought you had a right to hear about them, even though you're here. You can still have a role in society."

When he told me that, I knew exactly what he had come to tell me. And it wasn't his fault. He was being a good friend after all for coming to notify me.

We both sat on the bench. I wasn't looking at him, excepting him to start speaking. He took a moment, though, to finish his cigarette.

"First of all, I want you to know that I'm on your side. I believe you. You have always been faithful to Kyle."

Suddenly, I couldn't stand him anymore and my shitty attitude came out once more. "Goddamit Kenny, just tell me! It is about Kyle, right? Is Cartman fucking him?"

Kenny wasn't impressed by my reaction; in fact he was expecting it. "I'm afraid so. They started dating last week."

Did Kyle break up with me, his super best friend Stan Marsh, to be in a romantic relationship with his arch enemy Eric Cartman? Apparently, that was it. Anything else didn't seem important to me- just the fact that he had abandoned me again.

"Look Stan, maybe you haven't lost him yet. I talked to him last night. He is confused. He misses you and doesn't know what he feels towards Cartman."

I was getting angry. "Well tell him that he can feel whatever he wants towards Cartman! He might as well have a BDSM relationship with him. I think he enjoys it!"

Kenny looked sad and disappointed. "C'mon dude. Kyle still loves you, I know he does. I can see it in the way he worries about you. He doesn't care for Cartman the way he does for you."

"It doesn't matter Kenny. I'm stuck here for whatever my cellars decide. There's nothing I can do."

"What if I told you that there might be a chance that you could go to prom with him?"

The way Kenny operates is a mystery for me- hence the nickname Mysterion, I guess. I don't know how he got that information or if it was his idea or anything, but indeed there was a chance. Tweek confirmed me that later on when we were having dinner.

"So what did Kenny tell you Stan?" He asked impatiently. I think he was waiting till we were together again to speak.

"He said that Kyle and Cartman are going out and that perhaps I could go to prom."

"Gah!" He yelled. He was excited, though. "We could go together! I mean, not as a couple man, but if you can go, then I can!"

Tweek also surprises me frequently. He knew about that possibility? Well, he had been longer here than me.

"You knew about that?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course I knew. Chris told me that Thomas told him. We need partners, though, someone that can look out for us outside if we don't behave properly."

A partner. That was the reason Kenny told me that I could go with Kyle. If he could convince him to go with me instead of Cartman…

"So are you going with Henrietta or Kyle, that is if you want to go?"

For the first time since I had been committed, I was feeling determined on something. "Yes I am. And I'm going with Kyle, you'll see."

"Gah, I'm so glad!"

Something hit me at that moment. "Wait a minute, who are you going with Tweek?"

His excitement was gone and he started shaking again, just like that time when Christophe "The Mole" and Craig Tucker confronted each other.

…

 _I want to make some clarifications about the characterization of Stan as a Goth in this story. Being a Goth doesn't mean you're a cutter and are depressed. These two things are serious illnesses that can affect everybody, regardless of age, gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc. Stan happens to be a Goth, but also has a mental disorder, as stated on canon episode "You're Getting Old". Please don't confuse Goths with sad people, that's often not true- I know many Goths that are actually very happy people. And well, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter (?). Let me remind you that there's another story about the double date Stan mentioned with Tweek and Craig called "Geeky and Twisted". That said, till next time!_

 _Miss MoKa_

 _June 9_ _th_ _, 2016_


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